No place for me here

There wasn't an ounce of regret that my Father's Day was ruined.
There is some attempt on my eldest son's part to "make nice" but his college tuition is due soon so that's understandable.
I have decided to go headfirst into my work for the next few weeks, and do what I always do.

ENJOY IT NOW

My youngest son had planned to go to Atlanta for a vacation, but I had asked him to come with me to see my Mother first who is getting old and who he hasn't seen for 2 years.

We had decided to go see her right after school closed (6/8) so we could be back and he could plan the rest of the summer. He couldn't commit to that because of Atlanta.

Today, he announces he is going to Atlanta and has no idea when he will be back.

Gain of custody/loss of sons

Since I have been without custody for so long, my kids are used to celebrating holidays with my ex's family.

I found out that now this extends to Father's Day.
She made them get up at 10AM to be at her Father's House so they could see him.

After letting my kids know that we had to go to dinner at 3pm, they called 2 hours late and asked where we should meet.
I had left about 1.5 hours after waiting, and it didn't bother anyone but me that being two hours late without calling might be a problem.

I have no reason to be here if my kids hardly care enough to show up for Father's day dinner.

Things to Do

My son is starting college and I have to make sure there is enough money to get him through the four years.
I am starting to sell my personal belongings to put the money away for his tuition.
If I can get $40,000 together, he should be set.

I have another son going to college in about four years. I will be gone by then. You can see where this battle will be tough to win.
I know some will say if I work just as hard to get out of my financial bind I would be OK. That is just not the case.
I have done the math.

I am very close to financial ruin.
Not the kind where you move down to a smaller house or a less fancier car. The kind where I would have no money to perform my job which would render me unable to care for my kids.

Reason Two

My oldest son went off to college so it is just me and my 14 year old at home.
I have to travel for work a few days a week and I hate leaving him at home.

His mother is aan alcoholic who lives with her parents and is not close enough to take care of him.

My girlfriend takes him out to dinner when I am away.

He actually doesn't mind the few days a week I am away. At 14, I would have loved it.
Then again, he doesn't have to live with my Father.

Day One

I will be blogging until I have to go away.
It may be a year, possibly two.

I am a single father of two teenage boys, one in college and the other "living" at home.

If you call living, playing video games all day long in his room when not in school.
He does well in school so I cannot complain. I am just missing the little kid who used to jump in my bed and wake me up.

It's like a break of sunshine coming through dark clouds when he does appear and we chat.

I love him so.